Fears

When I think back on all my fears growing up, I laugh. Boys not thinking I was cute enough, being rejected, never finding anyone that loved me etc. All laughable compared to what my real fears actually are which is failing as a human being. I just refuse to fail at being the best and living the best life that I have been given. My husband lost his job almost two weeks ago that he has been with for 5 years and my anxiety has reached new peaks. I am as a whole a worrying, tense person and with good reason. Nothing ever goes right for me and as I sit around watching everything happen for everyone else, it makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong and I think it's my attitude. I need to just get over myself and realize it could be worse. I could have just been hit with not one but two tsunamis and not know where my husband or family is, dead or alive. I could be losing my house due to finances. I could have a disable kid and be struggling on my own. The list goes on. So maybe as a society we need to realize that it's not the end of the world if our paint doesnt look like it did in the store. That is not a real crisis. In this day in age, if you have a job, a roof over your head and food on your table, thats enough. We were created to survive and that is just what I'm going to do. Trust me, my fears are still there and probably wont go away because surviving on my income little as it is will simply not work. But there has got to be something better or more positive around the corner for us. He wasnt happy at his job so maybe this is a scary ass sign that something to better ourselves is coming. What I am thankful for is that I have my home, I have food and I dont have a child to take care of through all this. Most of all, we have our faith and each other and whatever happens, we will see it through. The good the bad and the ugly because unlike many couples today, I said my vows and meant them. We will survive. I would give anything though to go back to hs days where boys were my biggest stress because as an adult, the realities we are thrown are tremendously worse but time machines are not an option. I just pray I make it as a human and fulfill any purpose I was supposed to because that is what really counts. That I stay true to me, my heart and my dreams. Amen.

Jar of Hearts

Why do people judge? Why do they change in the blink of an eye? I will never understand this concept. I am about 99% sure that I have never changed, conformed or been someone or something else for anyone. I have had moments of short term memory loss of myself but I came back quickly. Yet constantly I see people (mainly men) that change so quickly, they shatter everything and everyone around them. They also lie. My dear friend is experiencing a heartache so bad right now because of this, I don't even have words for her. I literally found myself watching her cry thinking nothing I could possibly say will make this better or not be cliche so just shut it and move on Alyssa! Pisses me off even more that these tears were over the Lord of the Douches of all men. One minute he's one person, the next he's not. Newsflash buddy: It is not possible to change that fast, you just were never really ballsy enough to show your true colors. That is sad to me. I do my best job every day of making sure people know exactly who I am and what I'm about if they're talking to me. My thinking is, if we're compatible awesome, we will get along. Or it will give them the heads up to run the hell away while they can which is normally what happens as I happen to make inappropriate comments, swear like a sailor and pretty much dramatize everything as I feel like I watch so much reality tv I am now those people hahahah. I also quote the office too much but I find that to be a good quality and in no way a flaw:)  This dude though, I just can't get over it, changed his colors faster than a chameleon going undercover. So my whole point of this blog is just this: Never be afraid of who you are whether it be good or bad. You can really spare someone the heartbreak or the time if you just lay it on the line because whether you or good or bad, someone will get  you. Someone will want to spend time with you or help you if that's what you need. It never is what you look like, despite popular belief. It all boils down to who will talk to you and share good conversation with you. If this guy would have just said his problems and concerns, my friend could have saved herself some time and money once knowing the real him. But such is life.  A big bitch slap to the face sometimes. So please remember everyone, expose yourself personally and maybe, just maybe you can truly liberate yourself and come to realize that we all rule in our own special ways.

Life's a dance I'm learning as I Go

Well I am currently experiencing trouble sleeping. Add that to the list of all the other anxiety/stress related shit that's happening to me. Two weeks ago, I passed out at the very desk I type at. I came to face first on the ground with broken glasses that had apparently busted on the way down because I looked like hell. I had a bruised eye, forehead and a huge cut down my nose, not to mention my lip was busted so how I did not feel all this I will never know. I am setting up an appointment with an anxiety doctor so that I can get my breathing and temperament in check or else I am headed back down the horrible path I came from and that is not what I need right now. So as I was sitting here thinking about how shitty things are right now what with being only 25 and about to be on anti depressants, I read a friends blog about her daughter. Her daughter was born with a heart disease, is only ten months old and is going to have to experience an intense surgery. Not only that, her parents have to have countless fundraisers just to try to pay off all these bills. Which really made me realize that every day is a blessing and no matter how much I hate my predicaments right now, someone out there is suffering and has it ten times worse and they are not bitching even a little. I am hoping that the kind people of colleywood will donate some money to where I can get her something to contribute to her walk a thon they are holding for her because I need to start paying it forward. I am broke right now from my own bills but they pale in comparison to this family who I must say are handling this amazingly. On a separate note, Mark will most likely be starting online school soon, just gotta find a college that he can do his work online. Then after a few years, I can be outta here because frankly peeps I need an adventure. Two years from now, we wanna have a kid. We wanna travel and live somewhere in another state. I think we are gonna rock it too! I just pray every day for strength because Lord knows I need it. I cannot pass out or wake up with anxiety attacks and breathing problems anymore. So to that end, I'm gonna finish chuggin my dr pepper and veg out until i fall asleep. Good night:)

Long time no blog:)

Well I believe the last time I blogged there was a blizzard a foot. That has come and gone. It very kindly left me with an upper respiratory infection. When the weather changes that quickly and drastically, no good can come for my immune system. Eh anywho, not much has changed since my last post. Still in a funk, still wanting out out out! The other day, a lady tells me it's gross that I am working with food when I have a nasty cough and clearly dont feel well. I tell her I will be perfectly fine with her paying my wages for me to go home if she can convince my bosses to let me go home. There is no rest for the weak where I roll. sad fact but true. Also last time I checked, who was putting a gun to her head making her eat a sample from someone she feels is disgusting?! Not me:) Although a gun to her head makes a nice mental picture. I did meet a nice lady today who's 20 year old daughter is getting married and rolls with rich kids. The family however is not rich. So here is this poor woman trying to plan a spectacular wedding and party for her kid on a beer budget with a child with champagne taste. I taught her a bunch of things today, like how to make beer taste like champagne figuratively speaking. See, being pretty much living paycheck to paycheck teaches how to have nice stuff without spending alot. It's all about the presentation. I have things in my house that came from thrift stores and you would never know because I jazz them up or decorate with them in ways that make them look fancy. I have gotten really good with that. In fact, I dont think if I did come into money that I would want fancy ass furniture and decor because I rather enjoy a good bargain find. So I consider myself an expert in the ways of buying on a budget. Hopefully what I shared with her will help her daughter's big day to be a success. Despite contrary belief, I thoroughly enjoy what I do if it was all I did but since becoming a human doormat/bitch servant, it makes the days tedious. Colleywood can be mercilous. Explain to me this: how are these people rolling in money, but they come in and eat all my samples like they havent  had food in freakin years. Really?! Go home and have your personal chef make you something, but quit eating the food in bulk that i have to keep making until my shift is up. Also, get a real life. These women come in daily just to taste samples and buy like two things to make it seem like thats what they wanted. I dont know about you guys but I do not go to grocery stores on my days off just to try samples. That's is more than mildlyl pathetic. Oh well what can I do? Not a damn thing I tell ya! So I will just return to my comfy couch with my doggies and eat my chicken wings that I did not get as a free sample. Maybe one day I will serve straight up poo as a sample and I will confidently tell you they would eat it...oh they will eat it....

Ice Ice Baby!

It is supposed to ice up again. Some see this as a negative, I see it as a way to prepare for when I'm living in either Colorado or Alaska (preferably alaska. You see, the more I think about it, the more I want to move to Alaska. I could be doing humpback whale tours while Mark was a game warden. We could have snow days every day and months of night and months of light only. It sounds so fascinating and honestly, I need an adventure. If Mark said to me today, let's pick up and move to Alaska, I'm there. All the wildlife, animals and adventure excite me and I am sooo honestly bored where I'm at in life right now it's unreal. Mark and I have hit a spot where nothing is satisfying about this place anymore or what we're doing. It's all routine. Literally every week I do the same exact things and while some are fun (glee night, grocery shopping night) I want something more. I crave something more. I want to go somewhere new, start from scratch and meet crazy people that have crazy lives and experience cool shit all the time. If they talked to me now, it would be like oh yea i work 40 hours a week and cook dinner everynight. I want to do more than that. I want Nichole and I's cookbook to be published and be a success. Is that too much to ask for?  I don't think so considering I have more than paid my dues. So I am going to rush Mark and myself through school and get us outta here. It doesn't even have to be Alaska. It could be Colorado, Corpus Christi (beach fun!!) or Montana! Imagine...well i'm off to finish dinner (story of my freakin life) and feed my wonderful hubster. He is about the only thing around here besides my doggies I am not tired of so I guess that's good right?

Forget the Gaylord, come visit Texas for an Ice Show:)

Remember how we talked about ice last blog? It's still attacking our heated state of Texas and it seems to show no signs of stopping. Us texans are used to crazy weather but this is something else! It is going to snow tonight next week but somehow be wonderful weather for the Super Bowl. Really?!! Why is it Jerry Jones wins again? This man had plows to push the ice away from the buses bringing in dumb jocks who wear tights and attack each other for a ball. It does not get much gay-er than that and believe me I have many gay friends. I just don't understand also how during rolling blackouts (which by the way no other state has to deal with that is how unprepared our state is), the new stadium of theirs did not get affected in any way. Interesting..it seems money can buy you power and unfortunately a very satanic man has this said power. I mean children and teachers cannot go to school and function because their lives are at risk and there is no way to help them apparently but a plow can push ice for these guys? Not cool. You would think they were from Colleywood or something. Speaking of which, one guy told me he appreciated me being there today. I'm glad that made him feel better about himself because I did not appreciate it so much. As from these blogs  you can probably tell, I'm not a very polite, positive, upbeat person and I'm fine with that. So are my nearest and dearest. It may seem all ranty and such but no one speaks up anymore and I am not ok with working in zero heat and freezing temperatures that can induce frost bite. I am a vital part of my company and I have to work to pay my mortgage so I go but we would be able to shut down if you damn colleywood people would stay your asses at home like everyone else! Also, I know they say bitching and moaning doesn't solve the problem but it makes me feel good so if you don't like hearing about it, stop reading this or get over it because I probably don't care about your feelings. I just want to start my writing career, make my cookbook and have fun cooking parties with Nichole. I also want my husband to finish school stat so we can move out of state hopefully. Honestly, this gal needs an adventure and I am going nuts being stuck in this rut I call my life. So to the weather I say this: go away ice! To Jerry Jones I say this: I hate your face. To Colleywood I say this: stop risking your life for pre-made food and making me work for my money:) The timer on the oven's going off so I bid you adieu..

Hell Hath Froze Over!!

So here's what's new in Colleywood as of right now: Ice ice and more ice. Oh and this said ice is an epidemic and is also covering almost all of Texas right now. Guess who gets to work in this shit because Colleywood elite never sleep? This gal and she is not pleased. It's one thing to have to work in bad weather, I would understand if I did something truly meaningful but I serve demos and take catering orders. Now if you're from Colleywood, that means life ends if you are not present 24/7 to tend to their needs. But here is what I want answered: why when other businesses have shut down and the news is saying please stay indoors are they all out shopping, then bitching that we don't have power or that it is too cold in the store? Really? I didn't notice the cold. Why? Because I have been standing in it for 7 hours to serve you assholes and I now cannot feel feelings. Then they come in and say man why are you here, the weather is so bad right now. That's when I reply, well I wouldn't be here if you assholes would stop shopping for dumb shit and risking your life for a jar of cherries. They will not shut down our store if there are people still coming in. That being said, I quite enjoy this weather. Not the working in it with no heat part but my hubstser being home all day and when I get home. cuddling up at night and watching snowflakes fall. The challenge of driving on the ice without dying. It's all fun to me. And I will surely miss it when it's gone because I think crazy weather is cool. I could stand it to go up in temperature a little bit I mean 18?!! That's a bit much! I am totally ok with like 30's and 40's though. heck when it goes up to that here soon, we will all be in tank tops we will think it's so warm. So cheers to weather, boos all around to working in it. Oh and people of Colleywood, if you truly believe I should not be at work in all this ice, stop shopping. Please.

Little Girl Lost

So seeing as how I'm extremely emotional this week (girls you know why), this news I received does not help. I have a grandma I call Nanny.  Now some people have grandma's and then there's mine. My real dad was the Lord of the Douches so he when he bailed, we moved in with Nanny and Grandaddy. Let me tell you, some will feel sad for me I didn't have a dad for awhile but living with your grandparents rock! At least they made it  seem so for me. I did workout videos to Richard Simmons in my leg warmers a la 80's style. Every night at midnight when we knew my mom would be asleep, I would creep out of bed and have my eggs sunny side up. After eating she would tuck me back into bed. You see, they were wonderful to live with. My mom had to work to support us so I spent lots of time with them and they made my childhood good again. Last night my mom texted me since we now live in a world where humans dont speak and she told me my Nanny had been checked into the hospital with a serious sinus infection. Doesnt sound that bad but Nanny is very fragile lately so anything bad that happens could very well be the last. I also do not handle bad news well so I'm freaked out right now. I havent gotten to visit them in like 2 months because the holidays were so damn busy in Colleywood and our schedules never worked out right. So now I will sit in absolute paralysis and worry about her until I find out she will be ok and back home. Then I have to see her because she is the woman who raised me and taught me so much stuff. Don't get me wrong my mom was around alot as a single mom but my Nanny was my caretaker. So please pray for her and her strength and a speedy recovery because I am extremely worried right now. Thanks.

Seriously?!!

I think my niche should be angry chick writer. I know you guys probably think all I do is rant in these things but honestly, it's this demented and fucked up world we live in that makes me such a bitch. I have been unpleasant all day. Thank you eve for biting the damn apple and making us women completely insane 2 weeks a month. Guests of colleywood made me feel worthless today as the rich normally do. I had loooots of time at work being bored to think about some stuff and here is my new life plan as of today and thank God it's  documented because who knows if I will forget! Mark wants to go to school this summer or fall and become a Game Warden or Park Ranger eventually. This would mean we will probably be moving either somewhere off in texas or another state. At first I thought what?!! I dont wanna move! After processing it, I would love that and I decided that I would go for it and throw all caution to the wind and go back to school myself and get my degree in not only journalism but wait for it..wildlife journalism! it may take me awhile but dammit I'm going to do it! I have this overwhelming love for animals (except housecats of course) and I would love nothing more than to get to observe them and then write about it (National Geographic, I'm coming for you!) I would be able to do my job anywhere we went and do it better because i would be living with the animals themselves. Plus we would be making good money. Now I know I complain about rich people of Colleywood. But let's think about this.  My idea of being rich is not living paycheck to paycheck and being able to purchase anything at anytime during the week instead of waiting until payday and even then having to take something off the grocery list because I bought something like a notebook say. If I made good money, I could complete school, have nicer things and simply shop the same places and do the same things just not worry about it.  If you're reading this and get offended, I dont care because you know who you are and honestly how you piss away and throw your money around upsets us people that work our asses off and still want for everything and anything. Tonight on facebook I saw a post and it was as usual a photo of her c hild and her super expensive toy. I'm not saying any more details because I'm not that big of a bitch (yet) but honestly when children are dripped in diamonds and have everything and I can't even afford to get my hair done, my soul hurts. They are kids for God's sake doing better in life than me. It's my fault really for getting married and traveling the world but ya know what? Would not change that or take it back for the world because marrying Mark is worth more than all your fancy shit and all the riches in the world yet I am determined financial problems will not be what breaks us because that is such a bullshit way out of a marriage anyway. So off we go on our journey to true bliss together with our animals and if you are wondering where do kids fit in, she was so confused well here it is...kids will have to wait until school is finished and careers are on track because frankly I am the person that would rather have the awesome freedom to travel and write than change a poopy diaper and be kept up all night by a little crying baby. Maybe one day but for now, it's about me which it's never really been about because I have never wanted to move so that everyone else wouldn't be upset but I wanted to and I hope that I can make an actual difference when I make money as opposed to say buy a motorcycle when i dont even know how to ride one just because I can....yuck.

When life gives you lemons, make Lemoncello:)

Well today has sucked my friends. Tomorrow I return to Colleywood after a week off and it was nice. I did absolutely nothing and that was wonderful. I have always been a person content with doing nothing and getting along with myself so this was right up my alley. Now on this last day of freedom and bliss, it should have been nice. Oh no it was anything but. My sister and I are for the moment not speaking and while we're family and it should all be fine and well soon, it still sucks. Worse off, it's over a dude. Men tend to ruin everything in life but yet we somehow can't live without them or pro create, explain that nonsense. My husband woke up on the wrong side of the bed which is normal on a weekend but today I was in no mood for that. Again, let's chalk it up to the men of the world for my angst. So here I sit and while all is well with the hubster, things are not right with me. I am irritated and upset, stress eating and can I just say what is goin on with my hair?! The roots are so long now, you can almost see no traces of blonde which is who I am. So I'm going to sign off, stress eat somemore and wish this day away. Arrivederci, Sunday, bring it on Monday! Oh ps the hair problem should be fixed by Tuesday, if not well I'm so sorry you have to look at me as I can barely stand it. Thanks.

Dreams being turned into reality..

That is what Nichole and I are about to do. I will not yet say what we are doing but it is something we have been working on for awhile and if we can get it to come to life, it will be amazing!! I love having a project that motivates and inspires me as opposed to something that sucks the life out of me. Not only will this be profitable for us but so much fun! Believe me, I am ready for some fun and I really believe it is my turn. Everyone else I know has somehow made a way for themselves, gotten into a field they truly love and either have a supporting amount of money or have complete happiness. I have a great job but I constantly keep reaching for something more that is not quite there. See I'm flighty. I need to constantly move around and try new things otherwise I stop living. This is not doable when I have a mortgage to pay. So here I find myself with one foot in the grave figuratively speaking and now some lovely doctor (plan) has come to bring me back to life. Now this would be ten times more awesome if it were say McSteamy reviving me but I will make do with it being Nichole! So please join us on our venture, and I thiink many others will enjoy what we embark on! Arrivederci, boredom:)

Why are Emos legal?

I am really, really, really fed up with this stereotype and clothing style of "being emo." Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't being your own person and an individual not conforming to society and what they think is cool? Maybe I'm wrong (which rarely happens) but this man child today spat off at me because I don't love Blink 182. Now this sounds like a silly argument to have with someone you don't even know but I'm really bored today so it's what's keeping me from doing the chores. He says that I'm lame because I don't worship a band that started the punk movement and created and shaped an era or something like that. I tend to tune out when it's not good stuff being said about me.  First of all, shaped an era, really?? How sad are you that you need a band to tell you what to be and what to think. A bad band at that might I add but I digress. Also, the punk movement is stupid. There are a few bands that are punk that rock my world don't get me wrong and I also believe everyone should be who they are and not give a rat's ass what anyone thinks of them but cmon don't let these celebrities tell you how to dress and shape your life. Be your own destiny. I'm not perfect and I have conformed before but these Emo people all have the same hair, the same clothes and all want to damage themselves just so they can have sad stories to share at their Emo conventions that I am 100% sure exist.  I know I won't get back lash from this blog because let's face it, Emos are tame and manorexic losers who don't have balls. However if I do get backlash, I will now know who I should not associate with anymore. Win Win. For me. Ok have a great Monday everyone, I know I am:)

When I Grow Up I Wanna Be...

I have found a career choice that might work for me. A professional organizer.  Or list maker. Are those career options and can I major in them in school?! Frankly, I annihilate at those tasks. Now put a math equation in front of me and tell me to calculate something and you will see the most blank look a human can produce. Ask me a question that is common sense to most and get the same response and/or stare. Now tell me to put together an entire health expo for the Colleywood Elite in two weeks and you will see a whole 'nother look. First it's one of sheer panic and anxiety. Then you see a blur of blonde as I tornado spiral out of control and make more lists and plans that even I cannot keep up with.  Enter the day of the event and it's a huge success and I finally sleep for the first time in two weeks. Right now, I am so exhausted I could go to sleep at 7pm but who at 25 actually does that? What I need to learn is how to not panic and how to deal when an unexpected situation arises. Currently, I have taken to falling on the ground in tears or cussing out the first person to tell me bad news. So I'm thinking that new year's resolution of mine to be nicer to people has pretty much gone out the window. Maybe I can go back to school and be a professional organizer/planner person. It's a thing, I'm sure of it! Well time to clock out for the night and try to get some rest and relaxation because I have yet to reach the success part, tomorrow and Sunday will be the spiraling out of control part of the story.

Bitch Slapping Life in the face, one person at at time...

Well it's been a few days since my last blog but that is because all this awesome stuff has been happening for me to tell you about. Nope not so much. See that would make you hate this blog if it was some froufy happy go lucky blog but no it's going to be filled with all crap. Turn away if you don't like it:) First of all, let me start with on Monday I worked 6 1/2 hours off the clock and unpaid on my day off looking for wait for it...tablecloths. Don't know how much you guys no about me but I'm not creative, I cannot measure and I sure as shit don't know what a "drop" is on a tablecloth. Thus resulting in six hours of me bitching, yelling and crying at random store employees and one cranky dear friend who had yet to eat cursing at drivers in front of her on our 4th trip back to my work. You can see how that day was not pleasant for me in pretty much anyway. My idea of a great day? A marathon of my favorite show, a full bottle of verdi wine and my jammies. That is a great day. Then yesterday I did something very stupid, paid the consequence and was immediately transported to my 18 year old self. You do not want that girl back, she was a walking mistake. So here I sit, trying to keep my eyes open while I write this and yes, I am still thinking about when to have a child. Spoke to someone else about it today. Even more confused. Oh well those thoughts are going to be on a back burner until I can stay at home and not be surrounded by the madness that is Colleywood and my life. Now I must rest up so I can prepare for a very long four days in the 'Wood. Get ready, it's expo weekend so my next blog might just be pure profanity. We shall see.

She works hard for the money...

So on this blustery Monday, guess what I'm doing? Working on my day off. How cool am I?! Even better, not getting paid for it since it's technically just me running an errand. How much does this blow? Greatly.  Thus is the life of what is expected from working in Colleywood. Oh well at least I will have a great companion with me, one miss Heather:)) See, I'm slowly learning what true friendship is and bailing a sister out when she's hit her lowest level of bottoming out is a great friend. Think long and hard (that's what she said): Do you guys all have anyone or even just one person that will be there and pick you up always? I hope so. I'm lucky enough to  have two of those people but I think we all should have at least one person for ourselves we can count on so we dont feel all alone in this big scary world.  Because let's face it, my only stress issue right now is I have no freaking clue how to measure and don't know squat about table coverings so enter Heather! It's about knowing the right people. I mean, what the hell does it matter how low the "drop" goes on my tables? I don't even know what a drop is! As far as getting these things on my demo tables, that will be a whole 'nother ball game on Friday when I am completely alone drowing in a sea with big fish ready to eat me up. Which reminds me of another saying, "you don't know what you got until it's gone." So stinkin true. I lost my helper and partner in crime and now comes my true test. Can I hack it in the work world alone? You will get your answer Sunday at 6pm. If you hear nothing out of me, I have failed and crawled into a cave to lick my wounds. If you do hear from me, it's probably going to be exhaustingly dull and not worthy of your time so choose your decision to read this wisely. Well happy Bachelor Monday everyone, be safe out there today!

Sweet Sweet Fantasies..

I have spent pretty much an entire day cuddled on my couch reading. Snow flakes provide a breathtaking background, a fire roars and all is peaceful and somber except my imagination. I want to take this time to encourage everyone to read a book. I don't care what book it is whether you read about politics or fictional things as I am today, read something that will take your mind to places it cannot fathom. I detest when people say oh I don't have time to read or oh I would rather watch tv because those are not excuses.  There is always time to read. Even a paragraph. Are you reading this right now? Then  you have time to read something. I have always felt that reading makes us wiser, and stronger in mind. You can learn from it, and become creative in ways you don't even realize. So whether it be at night or in the middle of the day for you, open a book and learn something. Books are the soul objects in life that won't let us down, will keep us on our toes and constantly give us that thrill we are desperately seeking. I don't know about you, but not many people nor inanimate objects besides give me those feelings. The only downside to reading? You do it too much, your ass is going to spread a little from all the sitting. Don't lie to me, show of hands, who has gotten a little or a lot fatter after this holiday season? Although I cannot see your hands, I know 50% are raising them and the other 50% are in denial and not raising them out of sheer self consiousness. So here is your solution: read on a treadmill or while doing lunges. Yes you may look ridiculous but it will make the workout so much more enjoyable. So again  I will say, if you have time to read this, take some time to read something fun and exciting. It will shoot your endorphines through the roof and like one miss Elle Woods so wisely put it, endorphines make you happy and happy people dont kill their husbands. Us wives need this advice so put it to use and happy reading!

Sisterhood of the Non Traveling Pants

I don't generally like women. They are brats who gossip about each other behind each other's backs and never say what they really mean. It's irritating as hell. However, 2010 introduced me to some pretty awesome chicks and I finally feel like I have what most women call "girlfriends".  On a day to day basis I prefer dudes because lets face it, those guys hold nothing back and will walk right up to you and say fart on your leg, or tell you you look fat and that is what I appreciate. Truth, realness and honesty. My gals are the best though. We make children cry which I find hysterical, maybe no one else will. We share stories about sex insecurities and why do boobs sag and oh I want to lick her hair because it looks like a soft serve ice cream cone! This is going to be a surreal blog for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about but to those who do, a good one. So to my best guy friend out there, he knows who he is considering he is always going to be to me the man that gave me away at my wedding, you rock man but last night I formed a sisterhood of the non traveling pants with some gals and that is going to take precedence for awhile! On a Colleywood note, a lady asked me if the mustard she was holding was powdered and on the box it says powdered mustard. Let this please be a message to you women that if you're at the store shopping and you have a question, it's probably stupid because lets face it, how confusing is grocery shopping? Even better, how hard is it to read? Please, do this for your local store employees, they could really use the break. Excellent. Thanks. I am now off to enjoy my weekend away from crazy-town. See you bitches tomorrow.

Tsunami in Texas

2011 has not started off right for me. New Year's Eve should have clued me into that one with how suck-tastic it was. My husband falls asleep and wont wake up. I get mad and fall asleep at 10:45 thus waking him up. He saw it to midnight, me not so much. First year I have never seen the ball drop ever. This should have been my "here's your sign" moment but I had high hopes for 2011. I still do, it's just I'm a perpetual pessimistic  because frankly not a whole lot of great things happen for Mark and I. We are not handed anything. I can honestly say we have worked our asses off for every single accomplishment and item we own and call ours. Mommy and Daddy haven't given us anything, opportunities of a lifetime have never presented themselves to us and yet we have created ourselves a pretty good destiny and are stronger than most who have been through the hell we have. Neither one of us went to a fancy college or waited until we were the perfect age to get married and have the perfect cookie cutter wedding, hell we ate little smokies at our shindig and I wouldn't have it any other way. So I will  take this tsunami of crud coming my way because at this point, I know it will work itself out somehow and we will come out on the good end. Karma will not bitch slap us in the face unlike some that I know. So I will raise a glass to my defected dryer, dead car battery and possible broken or damaged ribs and the adorable little gut I'm developing currently from pms eating because crying like a little bitch wont solve anything. Not for this gal. Oh and if when you get done reading this, please go read my friend Amy's blog, she too has real issues and a real life. Happy Wednesday everyone!

Do I know you? Oh yes, you're my hormones...

Does anyone else ever wish that just for one day you could step outside of your body and observe you? I sure do, especially when its' my...let's call it "girl time" of the month. I don't know about you ladies, but I have some months where it's all I can do to not punch a baby I get so crazed and cranky. This month is one of them. One lady literally today asked me where the restroom was and I almost slit her throat. Intense I know but true. I try explaining to my husband that I don't even realize what I'm doing or saying until moments after when I feel horrible for being so cruel, thus beginning the tears of guilt. I would love to someday have the power to observe myself and see what brings me to these levels of sheer anger. I don't mean to be so bitchy for a better lack of a word but I get to a certain level and there is no turning back. I have also noticed as of late that I will most likely be one of those old women that hit children with their canes and wear an obscene amount of makeup and perfume and possibly collect something weird. someone as cranky as me is surely going to end up dying alone in a nursing home, changing my own diapers and wishing I had learned to keep my emotions in check so that everyone I loved did not abandon me. Sure I'm married now but how long could he really possibly tolerate me and these monthly mood swings?! I sure wouldn't.  Perhaps though that is why he is my perfect mate. He is just as beligerent as I am and doesn't even notice my crazy. Oh well, this has been probably way too much information for most of you, but didn't I warn you before  you started reading these blogs?