Fears

When I think back on all my fears growing up, I laugh. Boys not thinking I was cute enough, being rejected, never finding anyone that loved me etc. All laughable compared to what my real fears actually are which is failing as a human being. I just refuse to fail at being the best and living the best life that I have been given. My husband lost his job almost two weeks ago that he has been with for 5 years and my anxiety has reached new peaks. I am as a whole a worrying, tense person and with good reason. Nothing ever goes right for me and as I sit around watching everything happen for everyone else, it makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong and I think it's my attitude. I need to just get over myself and realize it could be worse. I could have just been hit with not one but two tsunamis and not know where my husband or family is, dead or alive. I could be losing my house due to finances. I could have a disable kid and be struggling on my own. The list goes on. So maybe as a society we need to realize that it's not the end of the world if our paint doesnt look like it did in the store. That is not a real crisis. In this day in age, if you have a job, a roof over your head and food on your table, thats enough. We were created to survive and that is just what I'm going to do. Trust me, my fears are still there and probably wont go away because surviving on my income little as it is will simply not work. But there has got to be something better or more positive around the corner for us. He wasnt happy at his job so maybe this is a scary ass sign that something to better ourselves is coming. What I am thankful for is that I have my home, I have food and I dont have a child to take care of through all this. Most of all, we have our faith and each other and whatever happens, we will see it through. The good the bad and the ugly because unlike many couples today, I said my vows and meant them. We will survive. I would give anything though to go back to hs days where boys were my biggest stress because as an adult, the realities we are thrown are tremendously worse but time machines are not an option. I just pray I make it as a human and fulfill any purpose I was supposed to because that is what really counts. That I stay true to me, my heart and my dreams. Amen.