Little Girl Lost

So seeing as how I'm extremely emotional this week (girls you know why), this news I received does not help. I have a grandma I call Nanny.  Now some people have grandma's and then there's mine. My real dad was the Lord of the Douches so he when he bailed, we moved in with Nanny and Grandaddy. Let me tell you, some will feel sad for me I didn't have a dad for awhile but living with your grandparents rock! At least they made it  seem so for me. I did workout videos to Richard Simmons in my leg warmers a la 80's style. Every night at midnight when we knew my mom would be asleep, I would creep out of bed and have my eggs sunny side up. After eating she would tuck me back into bed. You see, they were wonderful to live with. My mom had to work to support us so I spent lots of time with them and they made my childhood good again. Last night my mom texted me since we now live in a world where humans dont speak and she told me my Nanny had been checked into the hospital with a serious sinus infection. Doesnt sound that bad but Nanny is very fragile lately so anything bad that happens could very well be the last. I also do not handle bad news well so I'm freaked out right now. I havent gotten to visit them in like 2 months because the holidays were so damn busy in Colleywood and our schedules never worked out right. So now I will sit in absolute paralysis and worry about her until I find out she will be ok and back home. Then I have to see her because she is the woman who raised me and taught me so much stuff. Don't get me wrong my mom was around alot as a single mom but my Nanny was my caretaker. So please pray for her and her strength and a speedy recovery because I am extremely worried right now. Thanks.

Seriously?!!

I think my niche should be angry chick writer. I know you guys probably think all I do is rant in these things but honestly, it's this demented and fucked up world we live in that makes me such a bitch. I have been unpleasant all day. Thank you eve for biting the damn apple and making us women completely insane 2 weeks a month. Guests of colleywood made me feel worthless today as the rich normally do. I had loooots of time at work being bored to think about some stuff and here is my new life plan as of today and thank God it's  documented because who knows if I will forget! Mark wants to go to school this summer or fall and become a Game Warden or Park Ranger eventually. This would mean we will probably be moving either somewhere off in texas or another state. At first I thought what?!! I dont wanna move! After processing it, I would love that and I decided that I would go for it and throw all caution to the wind and go back to school myself and get my degree in not only journalism but wait for it..wildlife journalism! it may take me awhile but dammit I'm going to do it! I have this overwhelming love for animals (except housecats of course) and I would love nothing more than to get to observe them and then write about it (National Geographic, I'm coming for you!) I would be able to do my job anywhere we went and do it better because i would be living with the animals themselves. Plus we would be making good money. Now I know I complain about rich people of Colleywood. But let's think about this.  My idea of being rich is not living paycheck to paycheck and being able to purchase anything at anytime during the week instead of waiting until payday and even then having to take something off the grocery list because I bought something like a notebook say. If I made good money, I could complete school, have nicer things and simply shop the same places and do the same things just not worry about it.  If you're reading this and get offended, I dont care because you know who you are and honestly how you piss away and throw your money around upsets us people that work our asses off and still want for everything and anything. Tonight on facebook I saw a post and it was as usual a photo of her c hild and her super expensive toy. I'm not saying any more details because I'm not that big of a bitch (yet) but honestly when children are dripped in diamonds and have everything and I can't even afford to get my hair done, my soul hurts. They are kids for God's sake doing better in life than me. It's my fault really for getting married and traveling the world but ya know what? Would not change that or take it back for the world because marrying Mark is worth more than all your fancy shit and all the riches in the world yet I am determined financial problems will not be what breaks us because that is such a bullshit way out of a marriage anyway. So off we go on our journey to true bliss together with our animals and if you are wondering where do kids fit in, she was so confused well here it is...kids will have to wait until school is finished and careers are on track because frankly I am the person that would rather have the awesome freedom to travel and write than change a poopy diaper and be kept up all night by a little crying baby. Maybe one day but for now, it's about me which it's never really been about because I have never wanted to move so that everyone else wouldn't be upset but I wanted to and I hope that I can make an actual difference when I make money as opposed to say buy a motorcycle when i dont even know how to ride one just because I can....yuck.

When life gives you lemons, make Lemoncello:)

Well today has sucked my friends. Tomorrow I return to Colleywood after a week off and it was nice. I did absolutely nothing and that was wonderful. I have always been a person content with doing nothing and getting along with myself so this was right up my alley. Now on this last day of freedom and bliss, it should have been nice. Oh no it was anything but. My sister and I are for the moment not speaking and while we're family and it should all be fine and well soon, it still sucks. Worse off, it's over a dude. Men tend to ruin everything in life but yet we somehow can't live without them or pro create, explain that nonsense. My husband woke up on the wrong side of the bed which is normal on a weekend but today I was in no mood for that. Again, let's chalk it up to the men of the world for my angst. So here I sit and while all is well with the hubster, things are not right with me. I am irritated and upset, stress eating and can I just say what is goin on with my hair?! The roots are so long now, you can almost see no traces of blonde which is who I am. So I'm going to sign off, stress eat somemore and wish this day away. Arrivederci, Sunday, bring it on Monday! Oh ps the hair problem should be fixed by Tuesday, if not well I'm so sorry you have to look at me as I can barely stand it. Thanks.

Dreams being turned into reality..

That is what Nichole and I are about to do. I will not yet say what we are doing but it is something we have been working on for awhile and if we can get it to come to life, it will be amazing!! I love having a project that motivates and inspires me as opposed to something that sucks the life out of me. Not only will this be profitable for us but so much fun! Believe me, I am ready for some fun and I really believe it is my turn. Everyone else I know has somehow made a way for themselves, gotten into a field they truly love and either have a supporting amount of money or have complete happiness. I have a great job but I constantly keep reaching for something more that is not quite there. See I'm flighty. I need to constantly move around and try new things otherwise I stop living. This is not doable when I have a mortgage to pay. So here I find myself with one foot in the grave figuratively speaking and now some lovely doctor (plan) has come to bring me back to life. Now this would be ten times more awesome if it were say McSteamy reviving me but I will make do with it being Nichole! So please join us on our venture, and I thiink many others will enjoy what we embark on! Arrivederci, boredom:)

Why are Emos legal?

I am really, really, really fed up with this stereotype and clothing style of "being emo." Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't being your own person and an individual not conforming to society and what they think is cool? Maybe I'm wrong (which rarely happens) but this man child today spat off at me because I don't love Blink 182. Now this sounds like a silly argument to have with someone you don't even know but I'm really bored today so it's what's keeping me from doing the chores. He says that I'm lame because I don't worship a band that started the punk movement and created and shaped an era or something like that. I tend to tune out when it's not good stuff being said about me.  First of all, shaped an era, really?? How sad are you that you need a band to tell you what to be and what to think. A bad band at that might I add but I digress. Also, the punk movement is stupid. There are a few bands that are punk that rock my world don't get me wrong and I also believe everyone should be who they are and not give a rat's ass what anyone thinks of them but cmon don't let these celebrities tell you how to dress and shape your life. Be your own destiny. I'm not perfect and I have conformed before but these Emo people all have the same hair, the same clothes and all want to damage themselves just so they can have sad stories to share at their Emo conventions that I am 100% sure exist.  I know I won't get back lash from this blog because let's face it, Emos are tame and manorexic losers who don't have balls. However if I do get backlash, I will now know who I should not associate with anymore. Win Win. For me. Ok have a great Monday everyone, I know I am:)

When I Grow Up I Wanna Be...

I have found a career choice that might work for me. A professional organizer.  Or list maker. Are those career options and can I major in them in school?! Frankly, I annihilate at those tasks. Now put a math equation in front of me and tell me to calculate something and you will see the most blank look a human can produce. Ask me a question that is common sense to most and get the same response and/or stare. Now tell me to put together an entire health expo for the Colleywood Elite in two weeks and you will see a whole 'nother look. First it's one of sheer panic and anxiety. Then you see a blur of blonde as I tornado spiral out of control and make more lists and plans that even I cannot keep up with.  Enter the day of the event and it's a huge success and I finally sleep for the first time in two weeks. Right now, I am so exhausted I could go to sleep at 7pm but who at 25 actually does that? What I need to learn is how to not panic and how to deal when an unexpected situation arises. Currently, I have taken to falling on the ground in tears or cussing out the first person to tell me bad news. So I'm thinking that new year's resolution of mine to be nicer to people has pretty much gone out the window. Maybe I can go back to school and be a professional organizer/planner person. It's a thing, I'm sure of it! Well time to clock out for the night and try to get some rest and relaxation because I have yet to reach the success part, tomorrow and Sunday will be the spiraling out of control part of the story.

Bitch Slapping Life in the face, one person at at time...

Well it's been a few days since my last blog but that is because all this awesome stuff has been happening for me to tell you about. Nope not so much. See that would make you hate this blog if it was some froufy happy go lucky blog but no it's going to be filled with all crap. Turn away if you don't like it:) First of all, let me start with on Monday I worked 6 1/2 hours off the clock and unpaid on my day off looking for wait for it...tablecloths. Don't know how much you guys no about me but I'm not creative, I cannot measure and I sure as shit don't know what a "drop" is on a tablecloth. Thus resulting in six hours of me bitching, yelling and crying at random store employees and one cranky dear friend who had yet to eat cursing at drivers in front of her on our 4th trip back to my work. You can see how that day was not pleasant for me in pretty much anyway. My idea of a great day? A marathon of my favorite show, a full bottle of verdi wine and my jammies. That is a great day. Then yesterday I did something very stupid, paid the consequence and was immediately transported to my 18 year old self. You do not want that girl back, she was a walking mistake. So here I sit, trying to keep my eyes open while I write this and yes, I am still thinking about when to have a child. Spoke to someone else about it today. Even more confused. Oh well those thoughts are going to be on a back burner until I can stay at home and not be surrounded by the madness that is Colleywood and my life. Now I must rest up so I can prepare for a very long four days in the 'Wood. Get ready, it's expo weekend so my next blog might just be pure profanity. We shall see.

She works hard for the money...

So on this blustery Monday, guess what I'm doing? Working on my day off. How cool am I?! Even better, not getting paid for it since it's technically just me running an errand. How much does this blow? Greatly.  Thus is the life of what is expected from working in Colleywood. Oh well at least I will have a great companion with me, one miss Heather:)) See, I'm slowly learning what true friendship is and bailing a sister out when she's hit her lowest level of bottoming out is a great friend. Think long and hard (that's what she said): Do you guys all have anyone or even just one person that will be there and pick you up always? I hope so. I'm lucky enough to  have two of those people but I think we all should have at least one person for ourselves we can count on so we dont feel all alone in this big scary world.  Because let's face it, my only stress issue right now is I have no freaking clue how to measure and don't know squat about table coverings so enter Heather! It's about knowing the right people. I mean, what the hell does it matter how low the "drop" goes on my tables? I don't even know what a drop is! As far as getting these things on my demo tables, that will be a whole 'nother ball game on Friday when I am completely alone drowing in a sea with big fish ready to eat me up. Which reminds me of another saying, "you don't know what you got until it's gone." So stinkin true. I lost my helper and partner in crime and now comes my true test. Can I hack it in the work world alone? You will get your answer Sunday at 6pm. If you hear nothing out of me, I have failed and crawled into a cave to lick my wounds. If you do hear from me, it's probably going to be exhaustingly dull and not worthy of your time so choose your decision to read this wisely. Well happy Bachelor Monday everyone, be safe out there today!

Sweet Sweet Fantasies..

I have spent pretty much an entire day cuddled on my couch reading. Snow flakes provide a breathtaking background, a fire roars and all is peaceful and somber except my imagination. I want to take this time to encourage everyone to read a book. I don't care what book it is whether you read about politics or fictional things as I am today, read something that will take your mind to places it cannot fathom. I detest when people say oh I don't have time to read or oh I would rather watch tv because those are not excuses.  There is always time to read. Even a paragraph. Are you reading this right now? Then  you have time to read something. I have always felt that reading makes us wiser, and stronger in mind. You can learn from it, and become creative in ways you don't even realize. So whether it be at night or in the middle of the day for you, open a book and learn something. Books are the soul objects in life that won't let us down, will keep us on our toes and constantly give us that thrill we are desperately seeking. I don't know about you, but not many people nor inanimate objects besides give me those feelings. The only downside to reading? You do it too much, your ass is going to spread a little from all the sitting. Don't lie to me, show of hands, who has gotten a little or a lot fatter after this holiday season? Although I cannot see your hands, I know 50% are raising them and the other 50% are in denial and not raising them out of sheer self consiousness. So here is your solution: read on a treadmill or while doing lunges. Yes you may look ridiculous but it will make the workout so much more enjoyable. So again  I will say, if you have time to read this, take some time to read something fun and exciting. It will shoot your endorphines through the roof and like one miss Elle Woods so wisely put it, endorphines make you happy and happy people dont kill their husbands. Us wives need this advice so put it to use and happy reading!

Sisterhood of the Non Traveling Pants

I don't generally like women. They are brats who gossip about each other behind each other's backs and never say what they really mean. It's irritating as hell. However, 2010 introduced me to some pretty awesome chicks and I finally feel like I have what most women call "girlfriends".  On a day to day basis I prefer dudes because lets face it, those guys hold nothing back and will walk right up to you and say fart on your leg, or tell you you look fat and that is what I appreciate. Truth, realness and honesty. My gals are the best though. We make children cry which I find hysterical, maybe no one else will. We share stories about sex insecurities and why do boobs sag and oh I want to lick her hair because it looks like a soft serve ice cream cone! This is going to be a surreal blog for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about but to those who do, a good one. So to my best guy friend out there, he knows who he is considering he is always going to be to me the man that gave me away at my wedding, you rock man but last night I formed a sisterhood of the non traveling pants with some gals and that is going to take precedence for awhile! On a Colleywood note, a lady asked me if the mustard she was holding was powdered and on the box it says powdered mustard. Let this please be a message to you women that if you're at the store shopping and you have a question, it's probably stupid because lets face it, how confusing is grocery shopping? Even better, how hard is it to read? Please, do this for your local store employees, they could really use the break. Excellent. Thanks. I am now off to enjoy my weekend away from crazy-town. See you bitches tomorrow.

Tsunami in Texas

2011 has not started off right for me. New Year's Eve should have clued me into that one with how suck-tastic it was. My husband falls asleep and wont wake up. I get mad and fall asleep at 10:45 thus waking him up. He saw it to midnight, me not so much. First year I have never seen the ball drop ever. This should have been my "here's your sign" moment but I had high hopes for 2011. I still do, it's just I'm a perpetual pessimistic  because frankly not a whole lot of great things happen for Mark and I. We are not handed anything. I can honestly say we have worked our asses off for every single accomplishment and item we own and call ours. Mommy and Daddy haven't given us anything, opportunities of a lifetime have never presented themselves to us and yet we have created ourselves a pretty good destiny and are stronger than most who have been through the hell we have. Neither one of us went to a fancy college or waited until we were the perfect age to get married and have the perfect cookie cutter wedding, hell we ate little smokies at our shindig and I wouldn't have it any other way. So I will  take this tsunami of crud coming my way because at this point, I know it will work itself out somehow and we will come out on the good end. Karma will not bitch slap us in the face unlike some that I know. So I will raise a glass to my defected dryer, dead car battery and possible broken or damaged ribs and the adorable little gut I'm developing currently from pms eating because crying like a little bitch wont solve anything. Not for this gal. Oh and if when you get done reading this, please go read my friend Amy's blog, she too has real issues and a real life. Happy Wednesday everyone!

Do I know you? Oh yes, you're my hormones...

Does anyone else ever wish that just for one day you could step outside of your body and observe you? I sure do, especially when its' my...let's call it "girl time" of the month. I don't know about you ladies, but I have some months where it's all I can do to not punch a baby I get so crazed and cranky. This month is one of them. One lady literally today asked me where the restroom was and I almost slit her throat. Intense I know but true. I try explaining to my husband that I don't even realize what I'm doing or saying until moments after when I feel horrible for being so cruel, thus beginning the tears of guilt. I would love to someday have the power to observe myself and see what brings me to these levels of sheer anger. I don't mean to be so bitchy for a better lack of a word but I get to a certain level and there is no turning back. I have also noticed as of late that I will most likely be one of those old women that hit children with their canes and wear an obscene amount of makeup and perfume and possibly collect something weird. someone as cranky as me is surely going to end up dying alone in a nursing home, changing my own diapers and wishing I had learned to keep my emotions in check so that everyone I loved did not abandon me. Sure I'm married now but how long could he really possibly tolerate me and these monthly mood swings?! I sure wouldn't.  Perhaps though that is why he is my perfect mate. He is just as beligerent as I am and doesn't even notice my crazy. Oh well, this has been probably way too much information for most of you, but didn't I warn you before  you started reading these blogs?